Dealing with Rageaholics in Relationships

I'm furious right now. I won't bore you with gory details. Suffice it to say I'm sick of coping with temper tantrums from adults over things that I have no control over. I'm writing this now while the frustration is fresh, so I can communicate the empathy.

Kids I half-expect to act this way and I can mostly navigate. But a grown-up, who is supposed to be my partner, dumping on me? No. Time to say enough is enough. I'm starting doing that more effectively. Here are thoughts living with chronically angry people. Relationship Glue Recipe Dealing with Rageaholics - News - Bubblews

Relationship Glue Recipe Don't Get Lazy

My husband and I have been married for 26 years, only to each other and only have kids together. We've been In a relationship for over 31 years (dating, not living together), beginning at ages 18 and 19. Neither of us dated much so we don't know that world as well. But we do know about commitment.  And one thing we do to keep it fresh is change it up. Relationship Glue Recipe: Do Not Rest on Your Laurels 

Amazing How Losing Weight Makes Me Look Happier

I have lost 90 pounds since 2011. This photo left is me last week at youngest daughter's orchestra concert. I'm the older gal on the right, not the cute little Indiana Jones on the left--that's my baby. I discovered this picture right of myself from 2012, when I was 70 pounds heavier. My computer had crashed and I lost photos. I hadn't seen the photo in awhile. I was shocked to see along with the weight, how much tension showed in my face. I hated myself then and my face expressed it as if I'd shouted it from the rooftops. Compare it to bottom and see how much happier I look. Shocked at How Much Happier I Look 90 Pounds Lighter 

Menopause, Sleep Apnea, Chronic Pain and Crazy Schedules

My husband works nights and I work days. We only sleep together one night a week. Yes, we hate it. And I've got a plethora of sleep-related problems to boot. Arthritis, carpal tunnel, tendinitis, scoliosis and sleep apnea are conspiring against me. Menopause makes me have hot flashes. I had to sleep with the air conditioner and fan on to get any relief. I had bad dreams and woke up mad and frustrated and depressed. Here are some tips for coping with sleep problems. I Slept Terribly Last Night, What I'm Doing Different Tonight 

Gothic Zombie Movie Undead Make Up Techniques

Halloween 2013 promises zombie mania. There's something darkly delicious about the undead. Thinking of going zombie, ghoul or even gargoyle? Here's a DIY zombified make-up guide. This is straight from theater make-up central, your one-stop guide to ghoul-ing like the pros. I'm going to teach you some of the old ways of creating effects with theater make-up.  How to Get Gruesome for Halloween: Zombie Movie Make Up

Relationship Glue Recipe Read Between the Lines

We've been married 26 years, only to each other, kids only together. A lot of people seem to think that's unusual. They ask our secret for longevity. I always say "lots of red wine and IPA!" That's a joke, but I do have a few less-orthodox tips. I write about them in my +Relationship-glue-recipe series. Today's tip is to learn how to read between the lines, to interpret what's said and sometimes, what's not.

Example: my husband has to work all weekend--third shift--at least 13 days in a row. I invited my daughter for dinner but she had plans. I asked my son, but he was tired and irritable. I could have called a friend. But that's kind of awkward. And it would have felt like I was kicking my husband to the curb (I'm a worrier empath, can you tell?) Most of them would be busy, anyway and I would feel silly asking. Plus, our busy, odd schedule doesn't allow time to cultivate friendships. Read onRelationship Glue Recipe Read Between the Lines
 

Relationship Glue Recipe: Solidarity, Solidarity, Solidarity

My husband and I started dating in 1982, have been married for 26 years, only to each other, kids only with each other. We've made a lot of mistakes along the journey, but learned a great deal too. I'm writing a series of relationship glue recipe tips from that experience. The word of the day for September 26, 2013 is: Solidarity. Relationship Glue Recipe: Solidarity, Solidarity, Solidarity

Relationship Glue Recipe--Do a Scarlett OHara, Think About It Later

My husband and I have been married 26 years, only to each other and have kids only between us. We've dated since 1982 and never lived together till we were married. For better or for worse, many people say how unusual our ultra-traditional relationship is today. I don't know about unusual. We ourselves are a little weird! (permission to nod). But we also get asked how we stay together. This is part of a series on Relationship Glue Recipes--today's is Do a Scarlett O'Hara. Think about it tomorrow. Relationship Glue Recipe--Do Like Scarlett OHara--Really!

The Power of Positive Thinking and Negative Self-Expression in Relationships

I read a lot about the importance of positivity. Yes, that's a word. And yes, I agree, it's a little schmaltzy. There's a resurgence of dogma in the vein of Norman Vincent Peale's Power of Positive Thinking.If anyone dares mention something deemed "negative" these days, the positive fringe hounds them to paste a smile on, shun negativity and all will be better.  Frankly, I find it tedious, naive and superficial. With all due respect to positive, which certainly has it's place, I'm going to put in a word for the power, even importance of negativity. I like to sprinkle a little sand of doubt in the oyster of mainstream thinking, especially when it seems to good to be true. And being eternally sunny isn't possible or healthy. Read more The Power of Positive and Negative Thinking

Divorce Impacts Kids As Much, Maybe More, Than Parents

My parents divorced when I was six. In 1970, divorce far less common. I was one of only a few kids in school with divorced parents. And it earned me teasing. Adults weren't sympathetic either. Some, usually those in my parents' singles groups, would say I was lucky. My parents had a good divorce. Aka, they didn't fight and were still "friends." Their tone implied that I should be grateful, not complain nor even discuss feelings. Nobody seemed to care how the kid felt. Their concern was for the adults.   Divorce Impacts Kids As Much, Maybe More, Than Parents

Relationship Glue Recipe: Don't Ask, Don't Tell is a Bad Policy

Don't you love the cellphone selfie photos my husband and I take? We're getting better at it, though we're still no technoratis! Anyway, I have been writing a series of articles on Relationship glue recipes and today's topic is: when in doubt, ask. Sometimes, some really awkward issues. come up on relationships. If you are unsure about something, say whether your spouse is cheating, has an addiction, or is doing something dangerous, ask.

As uncomfortable as it makes you, even if you don't want to hear the answer, don't like the answer, don't think the person won't tell the truth, etc. Still, ask. It's better than letting a bunch of suspicions rattle painfully in your head. Don't hide from it. Don't ask, Don't tell is not a good policy. Read on  Relationship Glue Recipe: Dont Ask, Dont Tell Does Not Work 

Lose Fat Blues: Diet Depression Heal Relationships

At 100 pounds overweight I thought dropping pounds would make me happier. At 80 pounds gone (see left pic), I feel better. But being thinner isn't a magic mood elixir. It feels great but I still need to lose fat blues along with weight. Here are "happy pills" to salve diet burnout and depression.

* See pants half empty, not half full. Whatever your weight, focus on positives. Recognize progress. Quit agonizing over fat that's there and celebrate what's gone. Yes, I just said the same thing three ways. This picture was me last year, with about 35 pounds shed and 65 to go. See how tired and sad I looked? We overweight folks berate ourselves constantly and need it repeated. Get an attitude makeover; start being nicer to yourself. You'll find your relationships improving too. Thankfully, that cute guy in the pics was there for me through it all.  You Lost Weight, Now Lose Fat Blues: Diet Depression

Overwork Can Ruin Relationships

 I'm the original Type A personality, workaholic, obsessive-compulsive. I have a hard time stopping work once I get started. Right now I'm trying to get myself into a healthier schedule and Bubblews (a new site I write for) isn't helping. Because they let me submit 10 posts a day, I feel I must. Plus keep up with the multitude of other writing obligations, work, cooking, cleaning, yard work, errands, etc. And I typically submit longer article-length informer posts, not just short minimum-required ones. I research, link, add pictures, etc.  It's easy to get overworked and detached from family.  Too Much of a Good Thing is Still Too Much

My Sweet Silly Spontaneous Husband Found a Way to Make Concrete Romantic

 We're building a new porch on the back of our house. I say "we" but actually it's he--my husband. On top of working maintenance third shift, 6-7 nights a week, he's my resident handyman too. He tore off the old porch and deck because it was rotted.

This house in over 100 years old and was rental for most of its life. Poor house. She wasn't treated very well. After removing the deck, husband found that the back mudroom that was added sometime in the house's macabre history, was supported by an old frame mattress. As you do. The concrete and grass are one untidy conglomeration. It's like different people came along, threw a heap of dirt or cement at it and called it "yard." Okay so this is a long build-up but my husband found a way to make concrete romantic. As you do. Read on to find out what he did!Look What My Silly Sweet Husband Did

Listen to Your Heart When He's Calling to You...

My second son has a thing for romantic (kitschy) 80s songs. Bless him. Last summer he played "Listen to Your Heart" (forgot the artist--little help?) about 16.5 million times. I didn't really like it the first 500 times. By fall, I despised it. I guess I'm a failure as a woman. I feel skittish and awkward with super romantic stuff. I love opera. But that's deep, passionate and grand-scale romance. The schmaltzy idea of following your man, because he calls, has a very canine feel. Listen to Your Heart When He's Calling to You.
 

Parenting Tips--Hows Dads Help Prevent Mom Burnout

Let's talk mom burnout. It's a dark depression that can incapacitate. We hide it from kids, spouse, friends, family, ourselves. We're terrified lest anyone see and think we're the rotten parents we believe we are. From 25 years parenting four children, let me assure you--mom-burnout is normal and manageable. But dads, we need your help. Here's how.

* Grow up. Said bluntly, dads sometime burn us out: behaving immaturely and selfishly, making impulsive decisions without consulting us, parenting irrationally, taking and not giving, sulking, demanding. That's not husband or father behavior. You might as well be one of our kids.  Parenting Tips--Hows Dads Help Prevent Mom Burnout

Parenting Tips--Hows Dads Help Prevent Mom Burnout

 Let's talk mom burnout. It's a dark depression that can incapacitate. We hide it from kids, spouse, friends, family, ourselves. We're terrified lest anyone see and think we're the rotten parents we believe we are. From 25 years parenting four children, let me assure you--mom-burnout is normal and manageable. But dads, we need your help. Here's how. Parenting Tips--Hows Dads Help Prevent Mom Burnout 

Quit Letting People Take Advantage of You, Manipulate You

I've always let people take advantage of me. I've been embarrassingly easy to manipulate. I have what IFS Growth Patterns calls "people pleaser pattern" personality. It stems from low self-esteem and an over-active conscience. I'm an empath. I can't divorce others' pain from mine. This weird melange has destroyed my mental health and ruined relationships. But I'm not letting it anymore. To heal, I'm getting out of the passenger seat and taking over the wheel of my life. This heals relationships, too. Here's how.  Quit Letting People Take Advantage of You, Manipulate You

Free (or Cheap) Mood Lifters, Stress Busters, Pick-Me-Ups

Depression. It's everywhere I look. Medicated or not, more people seem to getting less satisfaction from life. Here are free (or cheap) mood lifters and stress busters.

* Avoid drugs. I don't say this pedantically, but from painful experience. I took Paxil for several years. It caused health problems, didn't help depression and left me dull and listless. I believe it caused me to give birth to a stillborn baby. It was mentally addictive. I put on 100 pounds taking it. If you take antidepressants, get brand facts and don't expect a panacea.  Read more

Antidepressant Food Swaps to Beat Depression, Boost Mood

Depression is a real buzz-kill. It can also damage and destroy relationships. But it doesn't have to. Here's my story plus drug-free tips that work for me. I struggled with postpartum depression with all my children. Then I lost two stillborn babies and spiraled into major mood problems. I took the antidepressant Paxil which caused weight gain. Instead of improving, my depression became crippling. I quit antidepressants, but had gained 100 pounds and incurred numerous related health issues. I've since lost 68 pounds, reduced health problems and learned to treat depression naturally. Here are food swaps to eat and drink your way to a better mood.Antidepressant Food Swaps to Beat Depression, Boost Mood
 

Free Printable Bridal Shower, Bachelorette Party Games

Bridal showers are a blast to the throw, but party planning is expensive. I just dropped $250 on a bridal shower for my daughter and we went very frugal! Why not save money with free printable wedding shower games? Print bride and groom quizzes, bingo, trivia, memory, puzzles, advice and word games. Hosting a bachelorette party for the bride? We've got you covered with free printable party games, too. And as you'd expect from a ladies' night out party, some games are sexually explicit and based on drinking. Use discretion and play games at adult-only parties. Wedding Shower Games, Bachelorette Party Printables 

Tips for Dealing with Adult Cyberbullies, Bullying Behavior

Recently, I experienced cyberbullying via Facebook. It was traumatizing. I was embarrassed that at 48, I let a person get to me like that. But some good came out it. I learned valuable, first-hand lessons about dealing with bullies.

Understand bully behavior. Some bullies torment for for fun. They're overtly hateful and cruel. Mental illness may be involved. This kind is rare. Your garden variety bully is more covert. He's a coward, a crowd-follower. He may capable of niceness, but if his pack is bullying, he'll join in. Alone, he'd won't dare, unless he can do it secretly. He may bully when anxious or stressed. He's basically weak-minded, unprincipled, and lacking in coping skills and self-discipline. His response to trouble is self-pity, projection and punishing others. Be especially careful about falling for name-calling behavior. My bully called me a fat slob which she knew would hurt me as I'm trying (and succeeding at losing weight). She's also overweight herself, but hiding online no one knows it unless they know her in person. Don't let those digs get to you. Low blows are all part of bully modus operandi. Tips for Dealing with Cyberbullies, Bullying Behavior

Holy Week, Easter activities, bonding times for parents and children

 In the Catholic, Orthodox, some other Christian traditions, the penitential season of Lent is concluded with Palm Sunday leading into Holy Week and culminating on Easter Sunday. This most sacred and somber week includes the Easter Triduum, with Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Holy Saturday or Easter Vigil. I converted to Catholicism 19 years ago and homeschooled our four children for 10 years. My children tell me that some of their favorite memories center on our Holy Week observances. For families looking for the full Palm Sunday-to-Easter experience, here are activities from my journey to guide you. These activities have merit for non-Catholics, as they help bring families closer together.Holy Week, Easter activities for parents and children

Living with Active Addiction: Understanding Addict Behavior

I've lived with addicts all my life and been codependent to many forms of addiction. I've made every mistake in the book (and invented some). I'm working a program of recovery from codependent behavior. This is what I've learned about active addiction behavior. Living with Active Addiction: Understanding Addict Behavior

Living with Active Addiction: Getting Well, Staying Healthy Amid Chaos

Living with addiction in any form-- alcohol, religious, rage, money, sex, overeating, smoking--is miserable. I've played codependent to many. Addiction is cunning, baffling and powerful. I've made every mistake in the book (and invented some). Most of my dysfunctional coping mechanisms were learned in childhood and I'm working to recover from them. Here's what to expect in codependent recovery.  Living with Active Addiction: Staying Healthy Amid Chaos

Attachment Parenting School Age Kids and Tweens

When people speak of attachment parenting, they're usually referring to infants or preschool kids. But the commitment to this type of parenting carries over to older kids too. Speaking as a mom who's in her 25th year attachment parenting, here's how it worked for us with school-age kids and tweens (preteen kids under 13). Attachment Parenting School Age Kids and Tweens

Should Parents Add Kids' Friends on Facebook?

The short answer to this title question is "no." The long answer is a little more complicated but remains a clear negative. Here's why. Facebook and social networks are bubbles whose ramifications on relationships have yet to be defined. What's appropriate and what's not? There are grey areas in digital interactions, particularly with kids. One hot button topic is whether adults should add kids to their Facebook account. Is there anything wrong with parents "friending" their kids' friends? There can be. Here's how. Should Parents Add Kids' Friends on Facebook?

Sensual, Erotic Works of Art for Valentine Gifts

In their salad days, many now-famous artists sold their works for barely enough to survive. Now they're worth a king's ransom. Happily for lover's of art, quality reprints are available cheap. For that quintessential Valentine's Day gift for your one of a kind lover, how about framing a piece of art that communicates your love? And for Valentine's Day, no Cezanne bowls of fruit pastoral Monet paintings. We want romantic, sensual art--something passionate, intimate and even a little erotic. So I am going to play Sister Wendy Beckett. Let's scour The Louvre, MOMA, wherever our journey takes us in search of that perfect, that definitive work of art for the perfect sensual, romantic Valentine's Day gift. (Like Klimt's "Embrace" to the left!)  Erotica Art Valentine Gifts

Dos and Don'ts for Managing Parenting Anxiety

Mom of 14 Nadya Suleman (dubbed "Octomom" for her octuplets ) is an exaggerated example of parenting fail. ABC Good Morning America cataloged some of the single mom's most egregiously bad decisions, including a Xanax addiction. Granted, parenting is stressful. But there are healthier ways to manage anxiety. From past experience with antidepressants, I say they cause more problems than they cure. Here are dos and don'ts for treating parenting anxiety and depression.   Managing Parent Anxiety 

Natural Depression Therapies for Couples, Parents

"Octomom" Nadya Suleman, the single mother of 14 (including octuplets) routinely provides us with glaring examples of what not to do as a parent. Suleman checked herself into mental health rehab for stress and anxiety stemming from a Xanax addiction, says ABC Good Morning, America. Depression affects most parents at some point, but powerful mood-altering drugs like Xanax aren't a solution. From experience, I can say that they only make things worse. For seven years I took antidepressants, but weaned myself two and a half years ago. To treat depression symptoms, I use these methods.  Natural Depression Therapies for Parents

How Addiction Damages Relationships, Intimacy

Anyone who has lived with addiction of any kind knows that addictive behavior affects everyone around them in unhealthy ways. In some relationships, addiction creates a counter-condition called "codependency." A codependent makes unhealthy behavior changes to accommodate the addict. Codependency and addiction are equal and opposite in unhealthiness. They reflect imbalance and distortion in these areas. Read more