Sensual, Erotic Works of Art for Valentine Gifts

In their salad days, many now-famous artists sold their works for barely enough to survive. Now they're worth a king's ransom. Happily for lover's of art, quality reprints are available cheap. For that quintessential Valentine's Day gift for your one of a kind lover, how about framing a piece of art that communicates your love? And for Valentine's Day, no Cezanne bowls of fruit pastoral Monet paintings. We want romantic, sensual art--something passionate, intimate and even a little erotic. So I am going to play Sister Wendy Beckett. Let's scour The Louvre, MOMA, wherever our journey takes us in search of that perfect, that definitive work of art for the perfect sensual, romantic Valentine's Day gift. (Like Klimt's "Embrace" to the left!)  Erotica Art Valentine Gifts

Dos and Don'ts for Managing Parenting Anxiety

Mom of 14 Nadya Suleman (dubbed "Octomom" for her octuplets ) is an exaggerated example of parenting fail. ABC Good Morning America cataloged some of the single mom's most egregiously bad decisions, including a Xanax addiction. Granted, parenting is stressful. But there are healthier ways to manage anxiety. From past experience with antidepressants, I say they cause more problems than they cure. Here are dos and don'ts for treating parenting anxiety and depression.   Managing Parent Anxiety 

Natural Depression Therapies for Couples, Parents

"Octomom" Nadya Suleman, the single mother of 14 (including octuplets) routinely provides us with glaring examples of what not to do as a parent. Suleman checked herself into mental health rehab for stress and anxiety stemming from a Xanax addiction, says ABC Good Morning, America. Depression affects most parents at some point, but powerful mood-altering drugs like Xanax aren't a solution. From experience, I can say that they only make things worse. For seven years I took antidepressants, but weaned myself two and a half years ago. To treat depression symptoms, I use these methods.  Natural Depression Therapies for Parents

How Addiction Damages Relationships, Intimacy

Anyone who has lived with addiction of any kind knows that addictive behavior affects everyone around them in unhealthy ways. In some relationships, addiction creates a counter-condition called "codependency." A codependent makes unhealthy behavior changes to accommodate the addict. Codependency and addiction are equal and opposite in unhealthiness. They reflect imbalance and distortion in these areas. Read more

Parenting tips to survive teen depression

While clinical teen depression is relatively uncommon, most teens are subject to bouts of depression. Tedious as they may be for parents, blue periods in teens are normal and even healthy. Teen depression is particularly challenging to deal for parents who are struggling with their own emotional issues. Here are some coping strategies to help parents help teens. read more

Family closeness improves intimacy in relationships

 When teaching, I always assigned the traditional holiday essay: "what I'm thankful for." Invariably, students from preschool to adult responded "family." That says something about our priorities. Over everything, loved ones matter most. Intimacy involves more than just closeness with a significant other or spouse. In our relationship, my husband's and my intimacy manifests itself in our unity with our kids. Parenting our children is a big part of what's kept us together and brought us closer. We don't live through our kids, but in learning to be good caregivers to them, we've learned to love each other more. For us, family has made our dyad three-dimensional. Bluntly said, I find it very sexy that my husband is a loving dad to the kids I've borne him. I think my closeness to my kids turns him on too. It may sound weird, but if you think about it, intimacy is what got us the kids. The kids grew from our romance. They're the logical conclusion. That's why it's important, nay crucial, to celebrate the holidays as a family. Here's how we've done it. read more

How I Set WAHM Boundaries in Relationships

I've been a WAHM (work-at-home-mom) since 2005. There are advantages to working at home. I see more of my family, I'm readily available. I don't have to go out to work every day. Oddly, those advantages are closely related to the disadvantages. Work-at-home perks caused many problems before I learned to set boundaries. And it got a little chaotic. Worst of all, it hurt my most valued relationships (husband and kids). There was a time when I considered quitting and going back to a more traditional job. But we worked it out. Here's how. read more

How I Keep My Work-at-Home Job from Consuming Me

I've been a WAHM (work-at-home-mom) since 2005. There are advantages to working at home. I see more of my family, I'm readily available. I don't have to go out to work every day. Oddly, those advantages are closely related to the disadvantages. Work-at-home perks caused many problems before I learned to set boundaries. It damaged relationships and caused lots of tension in my family. Read more. How I Keep My Work-at-Home Job from Consuming Me 

Sibling rivalry: Parenting tips to help kids get along

I'm always saddened when I hear parents say that their kids don't like each other. I'm not bragging (well, not much), but our four kids all get along great and always have. I don't say that to be self-righteous. I don't know exactly why our family has so little sibling rivalry. We are a  very close family but it could also be just luck. If it had anything to do with our parenting, here's what we did. Sibling rivalry: Parenting tips to help kids get along 

Fifty Shades of Grey Glorifies Unhealthy Sex

"Fifty Shades of Grey" is book one in the best-selling 2011 erotica book trilogy by E.L. James. And no wonder it's so popular--it details the taboo, between-the-sheets world of sadomasochism and bondage. Just what every repressed, lonely mommy-housefrau wants to read, presumably. Well not this one. I find it unhealthy in every sense of the word. 

It would be easy to write me off as prudish.That misses the mark. I'm not opposed to books touting sex, provided it's consensual, safe and healthy. Sadomasochism may be consensual, but it's not safe or healthy. And it isn't about sex. It's about power, addiction, humiliation, pain and emotional control, all those unsafe practices that destroy relationships. 

Violent sex, even consensual is a form of rape and abuse. It harks back to women having sell themselves to survive, to do whatever is demanded by deviant customers, to take care of their loved ones. 
Women have been subjugated sexually by dominant people since time began. Some still are. Sex has been used to shame, control and master us. I've spoken to women and men in mentoring sessions who use masochistic sex to purge guilt feelings. I find it unconscionable that an author would advocate such shame. Toxic shame is what we who work in mental health try to help people eradicate. I don't care if whose on the hurting end and who's on the hitting end, sadomasochism demeans and degrades both parties. 

Frankly, sexual perversion is the only reason "Fifty Shades of Grey" has become so popular. Sans the bondage, it would be just another schmaltzy love story. I don't like books that use salacious subjects to sell. I liken obligatory sex to obligatory violence or morality. It's contrived and unnatural. "Fifty Shades of Grey" plays on the sensational. It uses sex to sell. 

It's like Christian romance on the other end of the spectrum. I'm a big fan of romance literature of any kind, straight, gay or lesbian. Romance is one-dimensional and tedious. Boy meets girl (or boy meets boy) and falls in love. The duo bumps through a few chapters working out logistics and after a few blips, end up together--typically in bed. It's banal, cliché and predictable. 

Christian romance is even worse. It attempts to sublimate natural sensuality. It justifies the romantic element, by tagging self-styled virtuosity on. Yuck. That's unnatural. We're sensual creatures. Sexual issues are part of the package. They can't be glossed over or pruned out like dead wood. 

Embracing intimacy is one thing, but whips and chains aren't tools of intimacy. Domination fantasies aren't about mutually-beneficial sex. Getting off on beating or being beaten is not healthy sexual curiosity. It's deviant and dangerous. Dr. Oz says the book wakes up sleepy libidos. I disagree. I think it feeds perversion addiction. And if a libido needs S & M to jumpstart it, maybe there's something more going on. 

Like pornography (which "Fifty Shades kind of is), S and M has the reverse effect on libidos. Instead of empowering healthy sexual expression, it kills it. It feeds an addiction. Put bluntly, folks who used bondage fantasies to achieve orgasm kill their ability to achieve it naturally. 

If there are deeper truths in "Fifty Shades of Grey," they're lost on me. I say skip the books (and all romance literature) and read a good murder mystery. Or go for a walk with your significant other, holding hands. After 25 years of marriage, that's still enough erotica to get my husband's and my libidos going.