Parenting tips to survive teen depression
Family closeness improves intimacy in relationships
When teaching, I always assigned the traditional holiday essay: "what I'm thankful for." Invariably, students from preschool to adult responded "family." That says something about our priorities. Over everything, loved ones matter most. Intimacy involves more than just closeness with a significant other or spouse. In our relationship, my husband's and my intimacy manifests itself in our unity with our kids. Parenting our children is a big part of what's kept us together and brought us closer. We don't live through our kids, but in learning to be good caregivers to them, we've learned to love each other more. For us, family has made our dyad three-dimensional. Bluntly said, I find it very sexy that my husband is a loving dad to the kids I've borne him. I think my closeness to my kids turns him on too. It may sound weird, but if you think about it, intimacy is what got us the kids. The kids grew from our romance. They're the logical conclusion. That's why it's important, nay crucial, to celebrate the holidays as a family. Here's how we've done it. read more
How I Set WAHM Boundaries in Relationships
I've been a WAHM (work-at-home-mom) since 2005. There are advantages to working at home. I see more of my family, I'm readily available. I don't have to go out to work every day. Oddly, those advantages are closely related to the disadvantages. Work-at-home perks caused many problems before I learned to set boundaries. And it got a little chaotic. Worst of all, it hurt my most valued relationships (husband and kids). There was a time when I considered quitting and going back to a more traditional job. But we worked it out. Here's how. read more
How I Keep My Work-at-Home Job from Consuming Me
Sibling rivalry: Parenting tips to help kids get along
Fifty Shades of Grey Glorifies Unhealthy Sex
"Fifty Shades of Grey" is book one in the best-selling 2011 erotica book trilogy by E.L. James. And no wonder it's so popular--it details the taboo, between-the-sheets world of sadomasochism and bondage. Just what every repressed, lonely mommy-housefrau wants to read, presumably. Well not this one. I find it unhealthy in every sense of the word.
It would be easy to write me off as prudish.That misses the mark. I'm not opposed to books touting sex, provided it's consensual, safe and healthy. Sadomasochism may be consensual, but it's not safe or healthy. And it isn't about sex. It's about power, addiction, humiliation, pain and emotional control, all those unsafe practices that destroy relationships.
Violent sex, even consensual is a form of rape and abuse. It harks back to women having sell themselves to survive, to do whatever is demanded by deviant customers, to take care of their loved ones.
Women have been subjugated sexually by dominant people since time began. Some still are. Sex has been used to shame, control and master us. I've spoken to women and men in mentoring sessions who use masochistic sex to purge guilt feelings. I find it unconscionable that an author would advocate such shame. Toxic shame is what we who work in mental health try to help people eradicate. I don't care if whose on the hurting end and who's on the hitting end, sadomasochism demeans and degrades both parties.
Frankly, sexual perversion is the only reason "Fifty Shades of Grey" has become so popular. Sans the bondage, it would be just another schmaltzy love story. I don't like books that use salacious subjects to sell. I liken obligatory sex to obligatory violence or morality. It's contrived and unnatural. "Fifty Shades of Grey" plays on the sensational. It uses sex to sell.
It's like Christian romance on the other end of the spectrum. I'm a big fan of romance literature of any kind, straight, gay or lesbian. Romance is one-dimensional and tedious. Boy meets girl (or boy meets boy) and falls in love. The duo bumps through a few chapters working out logistics and after a few blips, end up together--typically in bed. It's banal, cliché and predictable.
Christian romance is even worse. It attempts to sublimate natural sensuality. It justifies the romantic element, by tagging self-styled virtuosity on. Yuck. That's unnatural. We're sensual creatures. Sexual issues are part of the package. They can't be glossed over or pruned out like dead wood.
Embracing intimacy is one thing, but whips and chains aren't tools of intimacy. Domination fantasies aren't about mutually-beneficial sex. Getting off on beating or being beaten is not healthy sexual curiosity. It's deviant and dangerous. Dr. Oz says the book wakes up sleepy libidos. I disagree. I think it feeds perversion addiction. And if a libido needs S & M to jumpstart it, maybe there's something more going on.
Like pornography (which "Fifty Shades kind of is), S and M has the reverse effect on libidos. Instead of empowering healthy sexual expression, it kills it. It feeds an addiction. Put bluntly, folks who used bondage fantasies to achieve orgasm kill their ability to achieve it naturally.
If there are deeper truths in "Fifty Shades of Grey," they're lost on me. I say skip the books (and all romance literature) and read a good murder mystery. Or go for a walk with your significant other, holding hands. After 25 years of marriage, that's still enough erotica to get my husband's and my libidos going.
Teaching kids friendship skills begins with parent example
Making friends (and keeping them) is one of the most important skills kids learn. But it's not learned with textbooks or lesson plans. Building healthy relationships is a hands-on activity. When kids struggle to make friends, it's easy for to blames schools. But schools can only do so much to foster friendship skills. The best lessons begin and end at home. Here are ways parents can teach kids to make friends. Teaching kids friendship skills begins with parent example
Sexual Enhancement Supplements Can Be Dangerous Medicine
With yet another batch of warnings from the U.S. Food and Drug Administration on tainted sexual enhancement drugs, it's time we wake up to the dangers associated with these products. Companies tout them euphemistically as natural or nutritional supplements but they contain undeclared sulfoaildenafil (aka, sildenafil, the stuff in Viagra used to treat Erectile Dysfunction). That's no friendly little herbal pick-me-up. It's a potentially harmful drug. Please be safe--read labels, use as directed or better yet, forego any sexual enhancement drugs from foreign manufacturers or online sources. Use only doctor-approved ED medication and be careful with that. Your health is important--don't risk damaging it with drugs from unverified sources. If you're concerned about performance, try a little vitamin E and zinc. They're natural and safe. Read on Sexual Enhancement Supplements Can Be Dangerous Medicine
How We Got Cheap Wedding Rings (Romantically) Under $200
Sexy Gothic Victorian Halloween Costumes
My older son asked recently what was meant by pre-Raphaelite? It's a scintillating (and rather sexy) term for women as idealized in the mid-Victorian period. A small community of artists and poets (like Rosetti) figured women with loose Titian tresses (mostly red), virginal gowns, prim, remote and oozing sensuality. Sexuality in Victorian times was taboo, subliminal, repressed and therefore hugely exaggerated.
Pre-Raphaelite artist Sir John Everett Millais painted mad Ophelia, drowned for unrequited love of Hamlet. Tenneyson's Lady of Shallot (another jilted suicidal lover), painted by Waterhouse is pure pre-Raphaelite.
How erotic would it be it recreate a pre-Raphaelite zombie girl costume for Halloween? The artists conventionally showed the dead girls romantically laid out and incorruptible. But we know that corpses don't stay fresh. Zombies of vengeful or jealous dead lovers have walked the pages of horror fiction for centuries. The restless undead have plagued generations of Devil's night, Samhain and Walpurgis revelers. Looking to recreate some of those vintage creeps of yore? Here's a DIY guide to make Gothic Revival Victorian costumes for women. Gothic Victorian Pre-Raphaelite Ghost Halloween Costume Guide
Meditations for OCD, Relationship Therapy
I'm a recovering obsessive-compulsive. My OCD can devastate my relationships if I let it (and it's pretty hard not to). It cramps intimacy and turns me into an irritable, irritating drone. Every case of OCD manifests itself a little differently--for me, time (or feeling the lack thereof) is a big OCD trigger. I'm consumed with urgency. I feel overwhelmed by responsibilities (many self-imposed). I'm driven by anxious thoughts that I'm behind and can't get caught up. If you struggle with OCD like this, here are some meditations I've developed. I repeat these when I feel an OCD mind-storm brewing. Meditations for Time-Driven Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Thinking
Four Must-Have Relationship Rules of Engagement
Starting a relationship with significant other can bring much happiness. As with marriage, there's a honeymoon phase where you float above problems and always get along. But the honeymoon doesn't last forever. And if some ground rules are put in place early on, the relationship will crumble quickly. As the relationship progresses and depending on what level it gets to, more definition may be added. Here are some basic must-have ground rules to start with. Four Must-Have Relationship Rules of Engagement
The Importance of Boundaries and Road Signs in Relationships
Navigating relationships with significant others or spouses is a lot like driving on back roads. There are few stoplights, street markers or warnings posted. You only know you're in a blind alley, pitfalls or wrong turn when it's too late. In relationships, the only warning signs are those partners erect themselves and, as with traffic signals,they're usually not erected until an accident has occurred. The Importance of Boundaries and Road Signs in Relationships
How Addiction and Codependency Distort Relationships
Anyone who has lived with addiction of any kind knows that addictive behavior affects everyone around them in unhealthy ways. In some relationships, addiction creates a counter-condition called "codependency." A codependent makes unhealthy behavior changes to accommodate the addict. Codependency and addiction are equal and opposite in unhealthiness. They reflect imbalance and distortion in these areas. How Addiction and Codependency Distort Relationships
Relationship Reflections from 25 Years of (Pretty Much) Wedded Bliss
My husband and I are celebrating 25 years of (mostly) wedded bliss today. On July 18, 1987, I was going on 24 and he was going on 25. We were ignorant, idealistic and ridiculously romantic. A quarter of a century, we still are and I think that might be what's kept us together.We've each only been married once, to each other, which makes us (some have told me) a rare breed. (I might say "more like a piece of work!"). We've been asked (I blush every time) for the secret of our success. I always quip "we fight all the time!" That's only partly jest. With four kids, money struggles, crazy schedules, work-a-holic tendencies, job woes, health setbacks, two lost babies, a old crumbling house, old cars (which we share) and a DIY-of-necessity lifestyle, I guess it's to be expected. And relationships get gritty in and of themselves without any help from outside stresses.Relationship Reflections from 25 Years of (Pretty Much) Wedded Bliss
Parenting (and surviving) teen relationship drama
As a mom, I'm generally confident handling childhood hurdles--potty-training, picky eaters, night frights--bring 'em on. There's one issue that shakes my equanimity--teen relationship drama. Whether they're boyfriend-girlfriend connections or same-gender friendships, teenage relationships are often fraught with drama and drenched in anxiety. Frankly, I rather beard a lion in its den than deal with drama. Even the term sets my teeth on edge. Disagreeable as they are, relationship problems are part of life. After four kids (and a lot of trial and error), I've assembled some thoughts for parents on helping kids navigate peer relationships. How to parent teens through relationship drama without going crazy - Yahoo! Shine
How Addiction and Codependency Distort Relationships
Anyone who has lived with addiction of any kind knows that addictive behavior affects everyone around them in unhealthy ways. In some relationships, addiction creates a counter-condition called "codependency." A codependent makes unhealthy behavior changes to accommodate the addict. Codependency and addiction are equal and opposite in unhealthiness. They reflect imbalance and distortion in these areas. How Addiction and Codependency Distort Relationships
How to argue, fight (safe and healthy) with your partner, spouse
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There's a misnomer in parenting intelligentsia that mom and dad should never argue around the kids. This myth is not only unrealistic and unfair, it's unhealthy. Disagreements are normal. Kids need to see their parents squabble to learn communication and interaction skills. Obviously, there are cleaner ways to fight, but even messy battles provide learning opportunities. Here are some healthy "fight club" rules for parents. Healthy 'fight club' rules for parents
Teaching kids healthy communication, interpersonal skills by modeling
Have you ever observed a parent shouting at a child to settle down? It would be funny if it wasn't so sad. The only thing this child is learning is that mommy yells, so yelling must be the right way to communicate. Hypocritical behavior like this not only jeopardizes the parent's relationship with the child, but the child's ability to form healthy relationships. These habits doom other relationships, too. This is just one troublesome parenting communication fail. Here are some others, along with healthier ways to help kids learn to get along.Teaching kids healthy communication, interpersonal skills by modeling
How My OCD Obsessive Compulsive Disorder Affects My Relationships
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The term OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) is often used to describe perfectionist behavior. While people with OCD may just seem overly organized, Medscape says OCD behavior stems from pervasive psychological pain, anxiety and "distressing intrusive obsessive thoughts."Intrusive and distressing, these thoughts certainly are. I wasn't diagnosed with OCD until adulthood, but I recognize now that I've had OCD since early childhood. Here's a picture of what OCD feels to me and how it affects my relationship with my husband, kids and loved ones. Hopefully, this insight will help you if you're living with a person with OCD or if you experience it yourself. I've included ideas on what's helped me, too. How I Experience and Cope with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder
Levi Johnson Fathering Another Baby is No One's Business
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Levi Johnson, father of tea party figurehead Sarah Palin's grandson Tripp (with Palin's eldest Bristol), is fathering another child with his new girlfriend, Sunny Oglesby. I'm not sure what response the media expects of us: Shock, righteous indignation? The best I can muster is tepid apathy. The New York Daily News primly calls the pregnancy "out of wedlock." I don't think anyone is startled by revelations of babies born on the wrong side of the blanket. It's not like Johnson is a kid, either. The couple says they're happy. That's refreshing. With all the haranguing about abortion rights, you'd think pregnancy was some kind of randomly acquired infection. Levi Johnson Fathering Another Baby is No One's Business
Michelle Duggar Unfairly Advocates Big Families
Is it wasteful to have a family of 21 in these times? No, according to Michelle Duggar, quiverful-mom of TLC's "19 Kids and Counting," because the population explosion is a myth. Duggar explained this in an interview with CBN's The 700 Club. I don't always see eye-to-eye with Jezebel, but I find myself nodding my head at their analysis that Michelle may not be seeing the big picture. Let me add that I'm sure the Duggars are lovely people-kind and loving. I just don't think they're being fair linking their larger-than-life family to God's blessings, when we all know their show nets them a lot of things that most large families couldn't afford. They also enjoy the support from many sources. There's a lot more that goes into caring for that large a family than what two parents could ever provide. Read more at Michelle Duggar Unfairly Advocates Big Families
Why the Flap Over a Gay Marine's Homecoming Embrace Photo?
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When gay marine Brandon Morgan posted a photo of him and his boyfriend Dalan Wells in a passionate kiss after Morgan's homecoming, I'm not sure what he expected. The hate comments probably weren't surprising nor was the fact it went viral, as The Lookout says. I'm not surprised; it was an intense kiss. That in itself engenders a lot of gawkers. Was it going overboard? Read more at Why the Flap Over a Gay Marine's Homecoming Embrace Photo?
Immigration, Not Homosexuality, is the Issue with Sheriff Paul Babeu - Yahoo! News
Something is rotten in Denmark, and it's not the fact Republican Pinal County, Ariz., sheriff Paul Babeu came out as gay. The issues in Arizona go much deeper. Babeu's former lover Jose Orozco's Internet abuses are problematic, says the Los Angeles Times. The coup de grace is immigration violation charges with subsequent deportation threats against Orozco, a Mexican national. The homosexuality, even the identity theft, is a smokescreen for the real agenda: Using personal issues to further political causes. Read more at Immigration is the Issue with Sheriff Paul Babeu
Relationship Glue Recipe: How to Keep a Marriage or Any Relationship Solid
Sexy, Sensual, Intimate, Romantic, Valentine's Dayay Gifts for Your Special Lady
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Well, you did it again. February 14th is right around the corner and you haven't gotten your special gal anything. Don't panic; your friendly neighborhood cupid is here with some fabulous ideas that you can get last minute. Want to impress the socks off your lady and gain you some great brownie points with her? I promise that if you present her with one of these offerings, she will think that you are the most sensitive, savvy and sophisticated guy in the world. To shop for these gifts, you will need to visit a local antique store, consignment shop, secondhand store. You might even hit pay dirt with a Good Will. Here is what you are looking for. Read more at Last-Minute Valentine's Day Gifts Guaranteed to Impress
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